Karen Amlaw

The Diagnosis and My Singing Life . . .

In February 2025 my life as I knew it was significantly changed when someone who will forever mean the world to my musical life was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. Maestro Steven Crawford bravely fought this formidable disease for over a year and a half. More than once it appeared he was winning and would eventually beat it (or at least that he would end up being one of the 13% who make it at least 5 years) . . . His doctors were even asking what his secret was . . . Then in between there were those times when his protocol needed to be changed to help him continue his journey. I rode the roller coaster of challenges right along with him.

Initially I thought my singing life in NYC was over. Yes, I told Steven that I would own everything he'd taught me and use that to continue singing. But honestly in February 2025 that was really just lip service . . . I didn't want him to worry, but truth be told, I was not sure that I could go back out there without him. I was devastated . . . I couldn't sing through an aria (or even a song on the radio for that matter) without breaking into tears. All I could think was . . . WHY?!

But, after a couple of months, thanks to the help of various infusion treatments, miraculously we were able to resume working together . . . I even got to move back into his studio. I had a musical life in NYC again. The universe knew we had unfinished business and it gave us the opportunity to get those things accomplished. I will forever be grateful for that extra year we had together that initially neither of us thought would be possible,

Almost one year later to the day, sadly he had to once again cancel our plans to work because he didn't feel up to it . . . that hadn't happened in months. And two weeks later his oncologist told him he felt the treatments were now doing more harm than good, and consequently he recommended turning to hospice care. The following weekend I moved almost all of my things out of my room in his studio . . . I hoped that perhaps he would find another alternative treatment that would change things for the better again . . . but it didn't seem that would be the case. From my empty room with tears in my eyes I recorded For Good from Wicked and used it as the backing track for the below video, which I sent him.

On Fathers' Day we exchanged a few texts about how well my singing was going that week despite all that was going on, which concluded with . . .

This would turn out to be our last communication . . . The words "sweet dreams" will never have the same meaning again. He was declining rapidly and was no longer be able to even use his phone after that. On July 5th, 2026 Maestro Steven Crawford earned his purple wings peacefully in his sleep.

As a result of the work we were able to get done over this past year, I now have the foundation and confidence to go out there and sing without him by my side (though, of course, he will always be in my heart) . . . Over his final couple of weeks, while he was in hospice, I found myself successfully singing in multiple challenging situations . . . I sang at a Fathers' Day church service, at my mother's graveside service (yes, I've had 2 deaths in a matter of two weeks), and then in a master class in NYC . . . all without tears . . . I got this now! I'm mentally and vocally ready to move on without him and it's all because we got that additional year thanks to treatments that were available to him.

Others before me have helped to fund the research necessary to discover such treatments. My running couldn't save him, but it certainly does help to continue that much needed work from which others in future will benefit . . . Every little bit helps and I'm happy to say I'll forever be a part of that assistance.

No one should have to endure the roller coaster ride he, his family, and friends (including me) have been on this past year and a half . . . and so the journey is not over . . . it has only just begun . . . and I will forever continue to run in support of Project Purple in memory of Maestro Steven M. Crawford!

Not Rich? . . . No Problem . . . I'll Just Use My Feet . . .

In fall of 2023 I returned to daily walking for personal health reasons . . . that walking became trotting . . . trotting became running . . . and very quickly my running was not just for me, but for others as well.

When Maestro Crawford was first diagnosed I felt helpless. I'm a doer, but this was not something I could fix. My daily running was the only thing I felt motivated to accomplish . . . It gave me time to think and process the situation (the rest of the day I was just checking off boxes - I really dislike crawling through life like that, but that's how it was).

Then, less than a month later, only a few days before St. Patrick's Day in 2025, I learned about Project Purple's Purple Paddy Virtual 5K and I immediately jumped on board. It was a way to combine my running with Steven's health issue. I only had about a week to raise donations, but I was going to do the best I could in that time . . . I don't have a ton of money to donate myself, but I could use my feet to help. Running that race changed my mindset from hopeless to hopeful . . . I'd been searching for a way that I could do something to help, and this race became step one of what has become one of my life's missions.

I've since run as Allegra the Turkey last fall and raised almost $1,700 . . . And again as Hopeful Helen this spring, raising over $1,800!

Project Purple's third race in their Triple Crown Virtual Series is their Double Mile for Early Detection over Independence Day weekend. With everything that was going on I didn't register to run (and I hadn't really fundraised for it), but on July 5th something told me to go run anyway . . . and so run I did . . . W67th Street to Steven's studio on 181st Street . . . my own 10K in NYC. Although I didn't know it at the time, that race turned out to be my last in Maestro Crawford's lifetime . . . He passed that night. Project Purple ended up sending me the t-shirt everyone else who registered received . . . I will forever think of Steven every time I wear it . . . It has an eagle on it with purple wings just like the one's Steven earned that day.

Over the past year and a half my daily running has turned from 5Ks to 10ks and more . . . this fall, on October 4th, I will be running my first official HALF MARATHON (Official, I say, because earlier this spring I already proved that I'm ready to run that distance. On Marathon Monday I was supposed to be on the cheering team for Project Purple's official Boston Marathon runners, but, in the process, I ended hopping off the train in Wellesley, MA (over 13 miles from the finish-line) and running the second half of the race on the sidewalk along-side the official entrants. Running a half-marathon was no longer a maybe . . . I just need to make it official!

I can't wait to take on the SoNo Half Marathon this Fall as a member of Project Purple's endurance race team . . . continuing to help raise funds and awareness of Pancreatic Cancer on behalf of all those who are battling this silent killer (along with the families and friends who support them).

Project Purple and My Mission . . .

Pancreatic cancer takes a toll on not just patients themselves, but their families, friends, and community as well. I have been among those impacted for the past year and a half.

At the start of this journey I knew very little about this disease . . . You don't hear much about it compared to other cancers after all. Although I wanted to have hope, I thought such a diagnosis was truly a death sentence . . . Plain and simple, it was over and I just wanted to know why Steven . . . he didn't deserve this!

But, I can now say, I'm encouraged to have discovered I was wrong. Project Purple has been a large part of that . . . this organization provided me the community of hope that I needed when I thought all hope was gone and gave me a way to be a part of the road towards a world without this formidable disease. I will forever be grateful for their support and have made it my mission to continue such support for others going forward. Hence my becoming a Project Purple Ambassador.

Throughout this journey, especially when I'm out and about fundraising and sharing awareness on behalf of Project Purple (which, frankly, is a daily thing), I have met many others whose lives have been impacted by this silent killer. It's a lot more common than I thought (Who knew; I sure didn't realize it) and the stories I have been blessed to hear have helped give me hope and encouragement along the way. Indeed, awareness is key . . . It's amazing what I've learned over the past year and a half and it's now one of my missions to continue to learn and share going forward.

Maestro Crawford, the many others like you, and those around you, you are not alone! I know you have your purple wings now, but I'm sure you'll be watching from the best seat in the house when I stand there ready to run on October 4th and wish you a happy heavenly 72nd birthday three days early!

To make donations toward this valuable fundraiser and bring hope to all those affected click here:  https://charity.pledgeit.org/c/h6s929pous/@karen-amlaw

Note: I will again be collecting a few prizes from local area businesses. Those who donate $25 or more will be entered into a raffle for those prizes. Donate $50 or more and you'll receive 3 raffle entries. Raffle winners to be drawn on Sunday, October 4th, 2026 at mid-night.

For more about my past and upcoming Project Purple endeavors, as well as the specifics on this fall's ever growing list of raffle prizes visit https://www.karenamlaw.com/Project-Purple-Ambassador-Karen-Amlaw.html

Thank you in advance for your support.

Together we can create a world without pancreatic cancer.

- Karen

(And by the way, on a related note, If you think I made it through writing all this without shedding a tear or two . . . You would definitely be mistaken. And that's ok. Maestro Crawford will forever be with me . . . it's just in a different way now. I might have made it through singing For Good, but I have yet to succeed at Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again without breaking into tears (and I've tried several times). The past two Mondays I've heard song birds (not pigeons) outside my window in NYC . . . I've been wondering if he sent them (or perhaps he was visiting and brought some friends). On Mothers' Day (the last time we worked together) he went home and told his wife how proud he was of me and our work together over the past year - So, I'm sure he's watching and listening.